Why SIWhy SI by darkskada
It is both control and vulnerability, twisted together so fiercely that even I do not know when one is present as opposed to the other, or when they both consume me.
I can be the aggressor, and hurt myself, but I can choose when to stop, I have control. I can be the victim, and be injured, but I can choose when to say no, I can make the pain end, I have control. I can be the healer, and bandage myself up, bandage the physical wounds that are but a symptom of the emotional wounds. I have control; I am not helpless at the hands of another.
It distracts me; it gives me something to do. When the pain inside consumes me, I cut, and it is released. I focus on the blade, on the blood, and I breathe. Cool, calm, collected. I pour my energy into the wound, healing it, bandaging it. I can make it all better, like I cannot do with the emotional wound. I am not helpless. I will not be victimized by another.
If I am a victim, it is on my time, on my terms. I do the hurting, and I do the healing. Wh